So you think shit is bad. I bet it really is. But what are you other than your pain. It is hard to see somebody that you love so much not see the good within them. Who rips and tears their sould apart at every chance they get. Happiness only comes when you realize you're worth it. Fuck it. If you're not worth it to yourself you are worth it to me. So slit your wrists, and slit mines as well while you're at it. Take the drugs, you might as well throw away my mind with yours. I don't know to you if life is a game. I cannot see why you always look for the doom and gloom. Doubt yourself at every chance you get. Refuse to recognize the love that surrounds you. ... What the fuck. I swore to you that I would not do it. I have not touched a blade to my arm since. I guess you mean more to me than I do to you. If you didn't I would not be writing this. Fuck it.

So there are times in life when shit happens. It happens to all of us. I hate when people feel sorry for themselves. There are people going through a hell of alot worse than you. Children starving in other countries. People being beaten and raped. All that we do is sit around and whine about our petty problems. The answer, the hope, is right infront of all of us, but we refuse to recognize it. We are scared. Scared of the answer. We feed off of the hurt, the anger, the distrust, because you we are so unhappy those are the only emotions we are capable of feeling. And when theos feelings that define you, ... us, are gone what is there? What is there to you besides the deceit and the lies. The drama the sorrow the heartache. I want to see it. I want to know you and all of the things you do. I want to see past the mask. I want to make you uncomfortable. I want to read into your heart and inner most thoughts and tell you that you are wrong. Tell you the truth about yourself that you refuse to recognize. Tell you that you are fooling some people but you are not fooling me. Many people may read this post and assume it is about them. Well truth be tol it is about everyone. I want to know the real them, but more than that want them to know one another. Forget the blame, forget the issues. Stop doing your shit when you know it can affect everyone around you negatively. If you all really want to try act like it. So here is the slap in the face you all need. Forget it, forget yourself, forget your lives, and look at the whole fucking picture. The one where there is more then Highschool, and the boy you have a crush on. Forget the latest fashion. Forget the horrible things done to you. Don't over think it. Because you need to take what you can from every situation, and learn from it. And you may think that you do but think again. If you did you would not all be pulling this same shit. And note: This is not to one specific person

Who am I to say this situation isn't great

it is my job to make the most of it

of corse I didn't know that would happen to me

not that easy no, no, no ,no

If all along the fault is up for grabs then there you have it,

if it's for sale go make your offer

I will sell it for no less than what I bought it for

Pay no more than absolutely Zero.

Neither one of us deserves the blame

because oppertunity moved us away

      Life. Life as I have told many of you, for me is an event. There are major things that happen, events that dictate our being, ... our beleifs. But life, the real life only happens after those event. Life is dealing, accepting, and healing.  From today, (Luizas wedding), I have learned that there are people, people who there is just no hope for. Do not come and apologize to me, but then make an excuse for what you did. I do not want to hear it. Don't act as if you are the only one who has something to say. And most of all do not act like I am there to cater to you. I may shed tears, but is not for you, and it is not because of you. It is for what you could be. The potential that lies within all of us that some refuse to        recognize within themselves. So blood has poured out of my arms, by my  own hand more than a time or two, the blood is a representation of all that this world is. Thick, like our heads, dense like our personalities, and  dark, as are our insides. It is a cry a scream. But I can scream no longer. I can not pour my blood for you, or rather the "ideal" you. Because nobody is perfect. But as to not lose my point I have to add, while people cannot be perfect, it is a common and reachable standard for us all to be decent. Footprints, I in some ways, those who don't know this I feel that I have not been "decent" to. this was originally supposed to be a private diary entry, but turned out to be somemthing more like.... I don't know, a confession a plea. I am bi, yay yay, big deal, most f you knew (well at Wilde lake because I had a g/f at the time). I tell you this now because I want you to know me fully. Because only fully can we as a group grow. I have always said that I am an open book. There is a lot that I have no lied about, but more so beaten  around the bush about. My friends are the people who have helped me get through the dark ages of my life, and have given me hope for the future. The future for myself and humanity. And for that I from the bottom of my heart I thank you.

                                  ~ xoxoxo Julian xoxoxo~                                      

We shall not cease from exploration

and at the end of our exploring

we shall arrive where we started

and know the place for the first time

through the unknown, remembered gate,

when the last of earth left to discover

is that which was the beginning

at the source of the hidden river

and the children in the apple tree

not know, because not looked for

but heard, half heard,

in the stillness between two waves of the sea.

Quick now, here, now always,

a condition of complete simplicity (costing not less than everything)

and all shall be well,

and all manner of things shall be well

when the tounges of flame are enfolded into a crowned knot of fire,

... and the fire and the rose are one

The best poem in the WORLD! I memorized it